Chemical - NC-17
Duress - NC-17
Erotica - NC-17
Eurovision - NC-17
Room 69
Sacrifice - NC-17
Misconception - NC-17
Record Breaking

Something Fishy

What if Mr. Darcy was an international movie star?

BBC news: Nick Darcy, Britain’s youngest Nobel Prize winner in medicine, was married today.

“How did you and your wife meet, Professor Darcy?”

“Well, she was originally my grad student. The first time we met, she asked me whether I had really been conceived in that fish tank,” Nick said, and grinned.

Standing behind Professor Darcy were his proud parents, William and Elizabeth Darcy.

“So, was he, Mrs. Darcy?”

“You’ve been asking us this question for ages. You already know that I won’t tell you,” Elizabeth replied to the reporter, then winked at her husband of 32 years.

Yes, Britain’s public all wanted to know about the truth about the most romantic and sizzling moment in the world’s cinematic history.

William Darcy was smiling, too, obviously proud of his wife and three sons. He, too, found himself thinking back to that day in the fish tank….

Thirty-two years ago: Mr. William Darcy had been Britain’s cinema heartthrob for some years and was getting more and more bored with the movies in which he had lately played. Then he met Elizabeth Bennet. She had already written three romance novels, and her latest one was going to be made into a movie by Bingley Production. She would be the on-set screenwriter. He had first met her nearly a year earlier, and was enchanted by her quirky humour, her gorgeous figure and her sparkling personality.

It was unfortunate that he had gotten off on the wrong foot with her, when she overheard him criticising her novels. He hadn’t really meant it, as he hadn’t even read them at that time. He had just been annoyed by his friend Bingley’s constant badgering for him to take on this new movie.

Of course, after meeting Elizabeth and becoming familiar with her novels, he had signed on for the movie, despite the depressing fact that Director Hurst had cast his sister-in-law, Caroline, as the lead actress. Darcy wanted to spend more time with Elizabeth, even if that meant having to put up with Caroline Bingley.

In typical cinema fashion, the crew was preparing to shoot the final scene first. It would take place in a huge glass fish tank the size of a 20-foot container, located on a deserted beach. The tank was filled with gallons of water and tons of beautiful coral, to make it look as if he was deep-sea diving with Caroline. She would have problem with her oxygen tank, and Darcy’s character would help her to the surface, whereupon they would make sensual love in the water, nude.

He didn’t like the fact that the scene might fuel Caroline’s imagination. She was shallow and mercenary, and he would never want her to be his girlfriend. But the script was sensational, and the extremely romantic scene would make a great end to the story. Hurst had also reassured him that it would be done tastefully, without full-frontal shots. Darcy had a feeling that the movie would be a hit. He wanted to play Elizabeth’s hero and help to bring her talents the fame that they deserved.

On the initial day of the shoot, Caroline threw a fit, saying that the water in the fish tank was too dirty. She didn’t want it touching her makeup, hair and skin. She demanded that the script be changed, or that the whole scene be relocated to a swimming pool. Since neither of those solutions could be adopted, for artistic and practical reasons, a stunt woman was summoned to stand in for Caroline.

But that didn’t make Caroline happy, either. “Keep your hands and lips away from William during the shooting, or I’ll make sure you aren’t hired to work in this industry for the rest of your life,” Caroline threatened Mary King, the stunt actress, before the screen diva stormed off to a nearby casino for a bit of rest and gaming.

Mary King, shaking with fear, started to experience an asthma attack immediately before she was scheduled to dive into the water to join Darcy.

Seething, Hurst looked around frantically for another replacement. He couldn’t afford to postpone the scene, due to Darcy’s busy schedule and the cost of the set. Finally, his gaze fell on the novelist. Elizabeth Bennet would do. She knew the script inside and out. Due to Caroline’s breasts enhancement procedure, she and Elizabeth even shared similar voluptuous curves. The only difference was that Caroline was three or four inches taller than Elizabeth. Still, Hurst was confident that he could hide the height difference, since it was a water scene.

It took a bit of time and effort to persuade Elizabeth, as she didn’t want to be nude in front of the cameras, especially in the company of the once-arrogant but lately rather polite actor who would be her co-star for the scene.

Finally, it was her sister Jane who managed to persuade her. Jane was the production assistant, and she knew the financial implications to Bingley Production if shooting had to be delayed for days because of Caroline’s tantrum.

Darcy had continued to swim, inside the fish tank, after Caroline left, content to let all the drama play itself out without his involvement. He was trying to summon the proper mood so that he could act believably amorous with a stranger. Finally, as the delay dragged on, he indulged in imagining that he would be making love with Elizabeth.

When Elizabeth dove into the fish tank with a mask on and swam with him, he thought she was Mary King. He swam and acted according to the script’s instructions and, when she acted distressed about her oxygen, placed his arm around her waist.

Suddenly, he felt her shiver.

Gazing intently through the dark water and obscuring masks at the woman beside him, he finally discovered that he was swimming with Elizabeth, not Mary King.

His mind blanked for a second. Then his pent-up emotions kicked in. Suddenly, he felt like he really was the hero of the movie, genuinely concerned over her difficulty. Pulling away her breathing tube, he pushed his own between her lips so that she could take a breath.

When she returned the tube, he found that he could discern the sweet taste of her on the mouth piece. Back and forth it went as they continued to share it for several minutes, as called for in Hurst’s shooting directions.

All the while, he treasured the feeling of having her so near to him. He could feel his arousal mounting, despite the cool water temperature.

Slowly, they rose until they reached the surface, and he wasn’t acting as he slowly took off her mask, threw it aside and held her face tenderly. In that moment, she was the most beautiful of women, in his eyes. He lowered his head and tasted her lush lips.

The kiss sizzled, conveying the passion that had built up within him over the past year. It also fit the movie so well that all four cameras continued to roll.

The script and reality seemed to merge in Darcy’s head. Slowly, he pushed off her breathing apparatus, unzipped her wet suit, peeled it away and took off her red bikini. His hands and body shook with pleasure as he caressed her smooth skin.

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My Darcy Vibrates

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